Tracy’s Insight into Marty’s Love of Her Grandkids:

Marty’s greatest joy was her family–her husband, her kids–but, especially, her grandkids–by blood or inheritance! She adored her siblings, her cousins, aunts and uncles, her parents, and most fondly, her own grandparents!

To my surprise, both of my parents became very different people the moment they turned into grandparents. All prior house rules became non-existent–once these precious, amazing, brilliant, loving, fun, talented, exceptionally unique grandchildren each dropped into their laps. Their joy meters skyrocketed–OFF THE CHARTS. They had unexpected new purposes and reasons to live. There was NO competing with their time with their grandkids. Not one minute too much was spent with their grandkids. We were all so lucky to have my parents as long as we did–well, except for my second family, who lost out on getting to know my irreplaceable dad, Papa Don. 

Thank goodness that my rebellious ways–even into my 40s–already being an older single mom–didn’t stop me from having another kid–that my mom got to love on, mentor, help raise, all the while helping to love and support my new family: Pharrah, Gabe, Jasalynn and Aryannah. 

With Gabe, we all also gained a huge extended family, his parents, his step parents, his six siblings, their partners and their swath of kids. It feels as though an entire other lifetime has been experienced since my dad died–and, we all lament that he was not here to get to experience any of it with us. My mom filled in all sorts of gaps tho, and enriched everyone’s lives.

Now my mom–their grandma–is dead. Who in the world knows what the future holds? But, it is grandma Marty’s tremendous legacy that she leaves behind in her grandkids–each and every one of them. She got to see 4 out of 7 graduate high school, so far–one of which is going to graduate college a year early–with 4 foreign languages under her belt–and pursue a graduate degree in Psychology–just like her grandma, Marty. 

Marty saved up her entire life to and is paying for her grandkids college tuition.

Marty was so incredibly close to ALL of her grandkids–especially the first Three Amigos, born close together: Coley, Macy and Presley–and, then when Matt married Heather, his stepdaughter, Megan, jumped right on board as though she’d always been there. All of these kids have the brightest futures ahead of them and were all significantly impacted by Marty’s involvement in their lives. 

Marty was such an incredible influence and mentor to my family as well–and, especially loved getting to add two more step-grandkids, AND a bonus son in law. Over the last three years, my mom really fawned over Pharrah, and got lots of extra time with her since she’s the youngest, and the older kids have become more independent.

Marty made EACH grandkid feel like they were her favorite–she’d say “Coley’s my favorite redhead grandkid in Montana, Presley’s my favorite redhead grandkid in Colorado”… And, she gave them all nicknames whether they liked it or not–Meggs, CoCoMan, MacyMooMoo, Peanut, Jazzmatazz, Ba-nahhhna, and Phairy. 

This Dolly Parton song I found by accident early on in my hunt for the Retirement Party soundtrack. Then, just a couple of weeks before the service, I found a note by my mom in one of her many stacks of sticky notes–that said to “play THIS song at my funeral”–she listed this exact song that I’d already found (From Here to the Moon & Back). I have no idea when my mom found the song or when she wrote the note. The version she’d listed is by Willie Nelson and Dolly Parton.

My mom always liked to try and prove how much more she loved you than you loved her. She’d always say to the grandkids “I love you to the moon and back”–whereas I would say to my kids and nieces and nephew that “I love you to Uranus and back” so that I could win, since I picked a further planet–and the kids and I laugh when I say your-anus. Honoring planets and constellations have always been a constant subject in our family–this song perfectly tells the story of how much Marty loved her grandkids. 

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This next tidbit of wisdom that I’d like to share, was also in Marty’s notes that she felt important enough to write down–I’d like to share it with ALL of the kids here today: 

A Cherokee elder speaks to his grandson about life. He says: “A battle rages inside of me–it is dangerous and it is between two wolves. One wolf is evil. He represents anger, envy, sorrow, regret, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, lies, superiority, and ego.” He continued, “The other wolf represents good. He is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, empathy, generosity, truth, and faith. The same fight goes on inside of you and inside of everyone else as well.” 

The grandson pondered his words then asked, “But, which wolf wins the battle?

 

His grandpa replied,
“The one that you feed.”